The Power of a Book, Part 1

Vacation is going well!  I have been quite busy, but much of my days have been spent with friends, reading, and writing, so I am in a happy place!  As I was thinking about what to write about, it occurred to me that I wanted to talk about books, but felt bad that I relate most of my posts back to what I am reading at the moment.  This blog was never intended to be "How to read 52 self help books and reinvent yourself in a year."  Then, I realized the truth!

Books have played a monumental role in my life.  It is something that I actually take for granted because it is so much a part of me.  Taking the time to look more closely at my life this year, I realize what a lifeline they really are for me. So, you will be getting a lot of updates about what I am currently reading, want to read, may someday read, etc...

Let me explain.  The story goes that I taught myself how to read when I was three.  One of my first memories is actually the shock and awe of my next door neighbor as she figured out I was actually reading the items on her refrigerator, not just talking about them or remembering what someone else told me they said.  But, to say I taught myself how to read would be a disservice to my parents.

My dad had 3 custom bookcases built for me in our apartment when my mom was pregnant.  I never remember a time that they were not overflowing with glorious books of all shapes and sizes.  My mom read to me every day.  We always bought a book in the checkout aisle at the grocery store (this was the late 70s and early 80s when they still had children's books and encyclopedias in the checkout aisles). My mom also took me to used bookstores and we were such frequent guests at the library that it felt like a second home to me.

So, it is no surprise that I was an early reader.  My parents read, made sure I always had reading material, and made books a fun regular activity for me.  This may be the greatest gift they ever gave me (besides life, of course!) And it is one that has served me in more ways than I could have ever known possible.

One of my favorite childhood memories is reading into all hours of the night under the covers of my bed long after I was supposed to be sleeping.  My dad would buy me flashlights and batteries so I could have this secret area and time, and my mom was constantly taking them away and yelling at both of us because I needed my sleep!  This went on forever!  Those nights under the covers were great times where I read stories from the Baby-Sitter's Club obsessively and pretty much any chapter book I could get my greedy little hands on.

I knew I was loved, but my parents were not happily in love.  Their marriage ended when I was in third grade and I was already well versed in how to use my books as an escape.  Those late night reading sessions were some of the most relaxing times of my day.  Mom and Dad could throw down with the best of them and I did not deal well with all of the yelling.  My books allowed me an escape.  They allowed me to be me where all I had to do was show up and I was accepted and I could try new things.  As the clumsiest child you ever met, I was not very adventuresome in real life.  Which is probably a good thing as I had enough of emergency room visits just making it through a normal day!  Whether it was the ambulance ride from school for the nose that would not stop bleeding, or the horsefly attack that led to yet another emergency room trip, I was quite the magnet for oddities and drama!

Luckily, my books helped me through this time, the death of my father when I was 12, a very rough home life during adolescence, and just the process of growing up.  This love of reading helped me through the questions and milestones of my twenties and now in my 30s it grounds me and gives me a place to reconnect when the world just becomes too much.  Whenever I have a question, I look to the information that is out there to guide me.  While the internet is usually my first stop now, much of it is just a billion pages of words waiting to be read.  I love self help books not because I feel like I am not good enough, but I love reading the wisdom of people who have already traveled the journey. 

For the record, my love of reading is not confined to the self help realm.  I will read anything I can get my hands on!  Fiction, nonfiction, the cereal box... Even my daily commute is defined by the audiobooks I listen to.  While I like the radio as much as anyone, audiobooks give me the opportunity to get lost in a story.  A great novel is like traveling with friends.  Listening to The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak was one of the most powerful experiences of my life.  Never before had I actually clapped when a novel was done.  I laugh out loud as I listen to the memoirs of Jen Lancaster wondering why I enjoy them so much when I strongly suspect we would not get along if we were ever to meet!  Every audiobook is a chance to squeeze in a little more reading time into my day and make a strenuous commute an enjoyable experience.

As you can see, librarian was not an odd choice for a career path!  I will describe how that came about in a later post, but it is just another way that the universe has gifted me.  As I sit here writing, I am just so THANKFUL that I get to share this with you.  This book loving nerd has a passion and it is books.  Of course I like to read them, but I also like to touch them, be surrounded by them, talk about them.  They are a true passion and a good chunk of what makes me, me. 

I know there are many other parts of me that I still need to discover.  I know that I use books as a crutch to hide from some of those other parts.  But for right now I just want to take a moment to say thank you to God, my parents, the universe, and the thousands of writers who have made my life special.  These writers deserve a second thank you as well.  You have allowed me to feel feelings I would otherwise not allow myself to feel or have cause to know.  You have allowed me to experience more than I could on this planet (or universe) in a million lifetimes.  You have given me shelter from the world and myself when I needed it and more importantly, prodded me to go out and mark my place at just the right moments.  Words do no justice to the debt I owe you.  I try to put just the right book at just the right time in my patrons' hands.  I try to know what story will fill their voids.  Just know that I try to pay it forward every day. 

So there it is, my blog's first big epiphany!  I am what I read!!!  Now that we have gotten the obvious news out of the way, let's see what we learn next!

Talk Soon,
Mis

 

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Vacation!

I am on vacation this week!  I cannot describe quite how much I have been looking forward to this week.  Work has been very trying lately and I really have been wanting to focus more on this endeavor.  A staycation is just what I need to reorganize and regroup.

A February vacation has the dual win of not having to drive 45 minutes each way to work during the snowiest part of the year and being so cold and brutal that you want to get everything in the house done that you have been putting off.  This year has been particularly rough for snow.  We are over 6 feet in as many weeks.  I love winter and even I am anxiously awaiting the day that the grass needs to be mowed and I can safely walk through my yard without snowshoes and a prayer.

This week I will be accomplishing those pesky tasks that have been on my to do list forever like cleaning the oven and sorting out stuff to donate to lighten up the clutter of the house.  But, I have lots of time planned for fun with a trip to the Newport Playhouse, breakfast with a friend, and nice long phone chat with my little brother in Arizona.  Word also has it that my niece may be born this week as well! I have tons of books lined up, a shopping spree with my husband planned, and I am finally feeling the itch to get back to work on a few writing projects.

So, you will probably be hearing from me quite a bit this week!  I hope your week is as good as mine is going to be!

Talk Soon,
Mis

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You Win Some and You Lose Some on the Path to Enlightenment

So, I have been quiet about my quest for finding myself for a couple of weeks now.  I am happy to report that I have not fallen off the wagon.  My new year's resolution is still going strong.  However, my most recent exercise in self-exploration is not.

Ilene Segalove's 40 Day's and 40 Night: Taking Time Out for Self-Discovery: A Guided Journal has been on my bookshelf for YEARS.  I have never quite found the inspiration to delve into it, but I also could never part with it.  I loved the idea of taking a period of time for self-reflection and according to Segalove, "Forty has been known throughout history as a mystical number".  Forty is represented continuously throughout all of the major religions, Renaissance culture, numerology, and even the body.  Cells regenerate in the bloodstream every 40 days. 

Obviously, the idea of a set period of time for reflection and introspection spoke to me.  However, after making it a quarter of the way through the 40 days, I realized that this particular method was taking me further away from my goal.  I felt detached from the passion and curiosity that led me towards the path in the first place.  While I didn't find any part of the process difficult or uncomfortable, I was not engaged.  And there lay the problem.

I do not like to quit anything.  Nor do I like losing. This felt like both when I first thought about abandoning the process about 5 days in.  After getting a quarter of the way through the journal, I realized that the activities and writings were actually the loss.  I was not discovering anything that felt important and I was losing passion for the overall project.

So, apparently, you win some and lose some on the path to enlightenment!   I am disappointed because I waited for so long to work my way through the activities in this guided journal.  And at another time in my life it may be the perfect thing at the perfect time.  But, for now, I am moving on to something new.  Back to regular writing and journaling, reading (fiction and nonfiction) and trying new things.  We are only halfway through February and there is plenty of year left to find new wins and losses along the way.  I can't wait to experience them and share them with you!

Love Always,
Mis

P.S.  Any losses along your journey that you would like to share?  I have found that sometimes the losses teach us far more than the wins...

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I Am Queen of the Island of Misfit Toys

As of yesterday, it is official!  I am the queen of the island of misfit toys.  For those of you that are not familiar with this particular place, it is the land Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer visits when he runs away from the North Pole in the famous Rankin-Bass Christmas Special.  (Their adorable first meeting can be seen here.) This has always been my favorite holiday special, but now I truly can see why.

My sweet, loving misfit husband rescued a stray cat on Thursday.  She was obviously hurt, and cold, and all she wanted was love.  She has some type of deformity where one of her hind legs is lame and her spine is crooked, but our girl is a fighter.  A couple of meals, a bath, and some cuddles later and she is already looking a million times better!

This in itself is not enough to make me the queen of the island though.  I was looking around my home yesterday while we were caring for our new charge, Maisy.  Our hound dog Leon was in a tizzy.  On his best day, he has OCD issues and the cat's presence has sent him into overdrive.  Luckily, he senses that she is hurt, so he has been super gentle with her, but it still does not make it okay that he is not the baby anymore.  Watching my husband and our Zoobilee Zoo warmed my heart, but it also became painfully clear that I have a tendency to attract the "other" in the phrase "which one of these is not like the others?"

Then, I got to thinking.  Has it always been like this?  And, yes.  Yes, it has.  So, what does that say about me?  Am I incapable of interacting with the "normals"?  Do I look for the misfits purposely?  I think the bigger question is why did it strike me as something I should be so concerned with?

The answer is this.  As I go along on my year, I am trying to get to the real Melissa.  I am trying to figure out what makes me tick and what makes me truly happy.  As I sat staring at my beautiful neurotic family, my heart grew with joy.  The realization that I was indeed the Queen of this island made me sigh because I knew there were easier paths in life, but this is where we are all supposed to be.  If Leon came home from doggy boot camp and was the best behaved dog ever tomorrow, I would not know what to do with myself.  After all, when we were looking for our pup, we wanted one with a big personality who could be a little naughty at times.  And we got that.  And then some!

My husband is incredibly smart, handsome, and has a huge heart.  He has more than his fair share of neuroses, but that is what helps to fuel his creative fire.  Do I wish his path in life was easier?  Of course!  I would give anything to make life perfect for my loved ones, especially him.  Who wouldn't?  But, we are who we are because of our life experiences and our dreams.  Would we be the same people if our lives were perfect?  I would not want to be with a man who would NOT want to save a hurt, deformed cat. 

And now Maisy.  Hubby is still on the fence about whether or not we should keep her.  He wants to nurse her back to health and send her back out to the wild to her cat friends in the neighborhood.  But, I see her working her Maisy magic and softening him up.  She has made it clear she is not going anywhere if she has her way.  She has already started to make her way into my heart and I was firmly against a new indoor addition to the family.  She is slowly working her way into the family proving that she can find her place in our home.  If she keeps it up, she will be an official member of our misfit island by the end of next week!

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Time to Move or Time to Stay? Letting My Year Guide Me

A couple of professional opportunities have come my way recently and my instinct was to let them pass.  However, my husband is not so thrilled about it.  He is concerned because 1.) It is completely out of character; and 2.) I have worked so hard to get where I am, why quit now?  He feels like I should be chomping at the bit to get to the next level.  After all, I am the one touting how playing big is so important.  Even though I have explained I am not quitting, just reprioritizing for a little while, he still seems a little concerned that somehow I am stuck or settling for less than I deserve. 

While I am certain this is not the case, I think it is a good idea to take a step back for a minute and make sure that my decisions are being made out of intention and not fear.

Taking this year to really get to know me and get past the issues holding me back is certainly a decision made of intention.  This is something I truly feel if I pass on it now I will never do it.  For the first time in my life, I also believe I am worth this investment.  This fact alone makes me want to guard this whole process fiercely.  But, does that honestly mean that I have to turn away from opportunities that arise during the first few months of my year?

For instance, what could be my dream job was just posted in Massachusetts.  When I first read the post, it was like fireworks and a parade exploded onto my screen.  However, a couple of things hit me pretty quickly that implied my initial reaction may have been wrong.  First, it is a leadership position with a consortium organization, so I would be doing a lot of paperwork and delegating-not the creative professional development design I first thought to be the case.  Next, I would need to move almost 2 hours north and even then, the two offices I would be commuting back and forth between are over an hour apart.

The money would be amazing-IF I was given the higher end of the pay scale.  With my experience and skills I know I could negotiate at least a mid-point, but I highly doubt they intend on giving anyone the high end right out of the gate.  But, money is not what I am most concerned with right now.  I know, I know.  I can’t believe I am saying it myself.  But, it is true.

I commute 45 minutes each way now and while I do not loathe it, it really is time that I wish to be doing something else.  I am a true Rhode Islander in that I do not want to drive more than 20 minutes each way to go to work.  By this rule, I am spending 45 minutes a day in the car that could be put to much better use.  And, truth be told, I am a horrible driver.  So, the thought of spending hours a day in the car makes me want to run the other way.

This job would also mean living apart from my husband for a year while he waits for a transfer from his job which is just too good to leave.  We thought some of that might be fun.  Give us each our own space and then we would be together on the weekends.  It would be like we were dating again!  But, a year is a long time.  And I don’t want to move into the house we will buy together alone.  It seems unfair to my husband to ask him to make that kind of sacrifice, even if it is only short term.  By the time he moves in permanently, it would be like he was an addition and not part of the process.  We have worked too hard for that.   

And, I know it is only an hour or two away, but it does not seem like the right time to make a major move.  How can I learn more about me when I am in the midst of a major life change and learning a new job.  Granted, I have done it on several occasions before, but this time is different.  If I truly want to establish who I am outside of my career, I cannot do it while immersing myself wholly into a new venture in my career.  It is an ugly catch-22.  All of this thought, and I have not even been offered an interview-never mind a position!  But it has clarified one thing.  I am not running away.  I am running towards something new.

I am confident that big opportunities are heading my way.  Opportunities that I will take whole heartedly and with more enthusiasm than you could ever imagine.  However, if I want to capitalize on them to the fullest, I need to do the work on myself first.  I am looking at this as a year-long process, but my instincts tell me that big things will start happening in about 6 months if I do the work and stay diligent. 

I do not know why this is the case.  It is just what my instincts say.  At that point, I believe that I will have a better idea of what I want my long-term picture to look like as far as personal life and professional life.  And, I will be in a much better place to embrace it.  It may not even be a professional opportunity that is the next big thing on the horizon-go figure!  But, I will not be able to figure anything if I just jump on the first ship because it pulled into dock.

So, there it is.  My decision to step away from making any major career moves at the moment has been of intention and not fear.  As I sit and reread what I have written, I am more sure than ever.  Do you know what the best part is?  I love my job so there is no sacrifice here whatsoever.  I get to keep doing work I love with peers I love while I figure out what drives me and who I want to be.  Until then, I have the benefit of working with great people who inspire me to do great things.  At least I know that even while I am stepping off of the fast track roller coaster for a few months they have my back.  And that brings us back to our regularly scheduled programming, folks.  No more work talk for awhile.  I have some soul searching to do and the work train has left the station.

Have you passed on an opportunity that would have been great professionally, but not personally?  How do you feel about it looking back?  Let me know if the comments.  I can’t wait to hear your stories!

Mis

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Tools for Success

It is no secret that books have played a major role in my life.  I will talk more about that in time, but today I would like to share a few titles that have played a major role at different turning points in my life.  I have carried them close with me and continue to use them whenever I find myself looking for what my next step forward should be.  And, they have played a role in getting me started for this year of self-discovery.

The Gift of a Year: How to Achieve the Most Meaningful, Satisfying, and Pleasurable Year of Your Life by Mira Kirshenbaum: The central concept of this book is that women need to stop putting themselves last in their life and take a period of time to do something to meet their deep needs for fulfillment, rest, and happiness.  This may be as simple as taking a bubble bath every day for a year or as complex as starting a business or revisiting a passion such as music or art that has fallen by the wayside over the years.  You do not need to put the rest of your life on hold, you just need to find a way to take back a few hours per week.

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron:  This book is broken down into a 12 week program to ignite your creativity, put those issues that have dogged you for years to bed, and rejuvenate your soul.  I was extremely lucky that when I was introduced to this book, it was as part of an interactive program led by an amazing leader who took a group of 8 of us through the 12 week program making it an even more powerful experience as we watched each other change, create, and grow into ourselves.  I have been able to book the women who led this workshop at my library in April and I am seriously considering participating again!

Your Best Year Yet! Ten Questions to Change Your Life Forever by Jinny S. Ditzler: Any fan of to do lists will find this book  inspiring and life changing.  Not only does Ditzler ask you what you want to accomplish this year, she takes you through a set of questions to help you define what is truly important to you and how you can take steps to ensure that your goals are successful this year.  There is nothing mind-blowing in the concept, however, her approach will raise your appreciation for the success you have achieved and lay the foundation for even more success ahead.  Best yet, once you have completed the questions, you will have a simple 1 page plan that will keep you on track for the year.

Playing Big: Find Your Voice, Your Mission, Your Message by Tara Sophia Mohr: This is the newest addition to the shelf.  In many ways, it is the reason for this blog and so many of my plans for this year.  Just for starters, Mohr teaches the reader how to shut off our inner critic (that negative voice that is constantly in your head chattering) and turn to our inner mentor.  She teaches how to move past fear and basic tools for making major strides in your life-whether they be personal, professional, or a combination of both.  Playing big may mean something different for every woman, but the point is that we need to stop being afraid to take up time and space that is ours to rock and we need to follow our dreams and use our talents.  And, not only for the good of ourselves, but for all who will benefit from that enthusiasm and those talents.  Thank you Tara Mohr! 

So, there you have it.  These are the books that will serve as my roadmap as I take the journey to finding and becoming myself this year.  They are only the beginning, but they have given me the strength, courage, and motivation I needed to take the first step.  Tell me, what books have been there for you at your turning points?  Does anyone else have an affinity for one of my faves?  I can’t wait to hear!

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About this year...

2014 was an amazing year full of personal and professional accomplishments.  So much so, that my friend/colleague Jenn and I decided that we wanted to do it again!  In order to make sure we were not resting on our laurels, we even decided to title it our “Best Year Yet” and produce a series of programs so that our library’s patrons could get in on the act too.

This is the year that I have decided to finally cross some personal issues off of the list.  You see, career has always been my main focus.  I have always been very driven, but the level to which I focus on my career goes far beyond a strong work ethic.  It is what I use to define myself.  It truly gives me joy, but I think I also use it as a hiding place so I do not need to be in the spotlight.  As a librarian, it is all about helping others. 

Before you snicker at the idea of the mousy librarian breaking out of her shell, let me enlighten you.  I am the OPPOSITE of what anyone would consider a mousy librarian.  I am passionate, loud, and silly.  I am all about the digital age and am always looking for new services and ways to integrate them into my building.  I am sure we will talk more about what I do and how I do it, but really, I am trying to avoid that here, aren’t I?    

Anyway, I really want to spend some time on life outside of the office this year.  In fact, I have even given myself permission to sit back at work a little bit to allow myself time to concentrate on getting to know and become the me I want to be.  My boss supports this.  The slowing down a bit, we have done more in the last two years since I have been there than in the last 15 years combined.  Truth be told, I think she believes that I can slow down even less than I do.  So even if I end up going at only 90%, my output is still going to be yards ahead of the typical employee and everyone wins.   Again, we are not supposed to be talking shop here! 

Really carving out a spot for myself in my home has been on my top ten goals for at least the last dozen years.  I am not saying I want to be Holly Homemaker, but I definitely want to make it much more so than it is now.  Right now, my house is functional at best.  I want to come home and love every nook and cranny.   I want to have a cute reading nook and cool collages on the walls.  As cliché as it sounds, I want my home to be my castle where I can come and escape and rejuvenate after a long day.  Not just a stop to spend time with my family before I go back to work or leave to run the errands that make up life.

Writing is another thing on my list this year.  It is something I have always loved and have gotten away from.  Partly because of time, partly because I get to do a lot of it you know where, and mostly because my confidence was shattered after a creative writing class in my undergraduate career.  This year I am taking it back.  Hence, this blog.  I hope at some point this year I will find myself branching out to a little bit of fiction or poetry just because I can, but I really like blog writing and feel like this is a creative outlet that speaks to me at this point in my life. 

And, I hope it will speak to you a little bit too.  I share because I need to be held accountable to myself to actually do the work.  I also hope that my words may help you.  I want to hear your stories.  It is not easy being a 21^st century women.  We all juggle that balance of the responsibility of what needs to be done right now versus what we need to accomplish for our long term happiness.  And sometimes we just forget to put ourselves into the equation.  Well, that is over for me this year.  I am putting myself in the forefront.  While I am not sure what will happen, I am pretty certain that it will be crazy, hilarious, and a bit stressful if my life today is any indication.  Trust me, there will be no shortage of funnies.   

So, for now, welcome!!!  In my next post, I will describe playing big as it was taught to me by Tara Mohr in her book, Playing Big: Find Your Voice, Your Mission, Your Message as well as the other texts that are guiding my path through this year of finding myself.   After all, it wouldn’t be me if I was not bringing a bunch of books along for the ride!

Talk Soon,

Melissa

 

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