I was in elementary school and I was at the house of a family friend. She was doing a storytime for a group of children in our circle and she was reading Joseph and His Coat of Many Colors (based on the biblical story and later the inspiration for the Andrew Lloyd Weber musical.) Jacob had just given his son the prized gift. We turn the page to find Joseph turning in his new coat to show off the brilliance of the many colors.
I was completely awed. Even being so young, I knew what I was feeling was special. It was as if the sunshine had made a spotlight on myself and Joseph and his coat and I were the only things happening in the world for that minute. At that very moment all I wanted to do was share this amazing book with everyone I knew and let that feeling spread as far as I could make it.
It would be another two decades before I would be able to put a name to my calling-librarian. But, books have always been a huge part of my life (see the first part of this series here) and my career has always had me sharing books in some way whether it was as a bookseller, literacy advocate, or librarian.
I will never forget how heartbroken I was in middle school when my teacher (a nun) clearly reprimanded me that the only people who had callings were nuns and priests. It was not like me to question a teacher, so she was especially surprised when I asked why people in other professions could be called to their work. I think even in that moment I was remembering Joseph and the feeling that I knew this book was trying to tell me something so much bigger. It took me even longer to get over the pain of that reprimand and to realize that she was wrong than it did to figure out that librarian perfectly encompassed everything I was supposed to do in my professional life.
I finally came to terms with it a few years ago (I can be such a slow learner sometimes!). Sister Helen was wrong. I don't think she maliciously tried to ruin the hopes and dreams of her students-students I know she loved deeply. Whether it was training, a misguided mindset, or just a simple misunderstanding, I now know the simple truth. She was wrong. And I can prove it.
I agree that priests and nuns are served to call. No one lightly makes the decision to go into the clergy-especially in today's world. But that leaves more than 7 billion people on the planet. If the clergy are the only ones that are called to serve, then does it just not matter what the rest of us do? Is someone who is a gifted musician that provides millions of people with hope, joy, and comfort just a lucky schmuck who made good? Is a doctor who saves thousands of lives over the course of a career just a goodhearted nerd who happens to be good at anatomy? Are the first responders who risk their lives daily so others may live and be safe just adrenaline junkies?
Many people spend a lifetime looking for why they were put on this planet. I am one of the lucky few who found out early. It took me awhile to get it exactly right (again, I can be a VERY slow learner), but the sense of fulfillment I get from my work is one of the greatest joys of my life. I may not always get it perfectly right, but I am making a difference in the best way I can.
Books have given me power and freedom from wondering why I am here. Many people I know would kill to have the sense of purpose that my career gives me. As much as I talk about separating myself from my work, the purpose of this year is not to dismiss the gifts it has given me. It is to widen my sense of self and see who I am beyond that calling. If anything, I am realizing just how closely tied together my self is to my work. But, work alone is not enough.
Maybe it is greedy. I have already been given something so special and so much more than most others have. But, I have to believe that I can only increase the power of my calling by better knowing myself and my strengths. That by increasing my sphere of interests and people, I can be that much better at providing help and information to others. And, I am human and deserve some fun! A burned out Mis is certainly not a productive Mis. So, the new ventures continue! And, if I had to put money on it, I would say it is a million to one bet that I am going to find some new books along the way to learn many of the things I try this year!
