One of the great things about being separated after being married for more than a decade is that I actually have time to think! Like, really think. About what I want in life, what I like and dislike, what makes me happy, what needs to change if we are going to make this marriage work, and whether or not that is even possible.
You might find this odd, especially since we do not have children (besides the two very high maintenance fur babies). Still, the very nature of daily life and full days often makes it hard to get a few thoughts strung together, never mind the thoughts that help you set forth on a new and healthier path.
At first, this is the part that I thought would drive me mad about being alone. I was sure all of the alone time and the quiet would drive me to despair. Despite my profession, or maybe in spite of it, I am one of the loudest people you will ever meet. I am the opposite of dainty and elegant and am the goofiest princess you will ever meet. I am constantly in motion. Admittedly, I would like to have more grace and elegance, but I take the blessings the good Lord gave me and work with them!
The quiet time has been freeing. I don't second guess myself so much. I think about what I really want. Sometimes it is as simple as what I want for dinner. Sometimes it is the bug stuff like what I want in a relationship. I have realized that no matter what happens, this is a very special time.
I am taking a step back and giving myself permission to care for me first and foremost. I am talking to my mom almost every day and learning more about her life and discussing some of the things that have held me back in mine. We are going through the hard stuff and I am so happy to have this opportunity while she is still here. Having lost my dad at 12, I never take for granted that our time is limited or that I am lucky to have her-even when we fight and drive each other crazy. Every conversation helps me to understand my past and myself a little better and why I have made the decisions I have made in life. Again, I am blessed. Not everyone is given this chance and even fewer take it.
Surprisingly, I have not had a major meltdown of loneliness yet. My family and friends have done a great of keeping me busy. My fur babies are great companions. The husband and I are in regular contact. Some days that is good, other days I relish the solo life that much more. Overall, I have done really well for myself! I am enjoying the life I have built and that is enough for right now. In fact, it is about time I let myself reap some of the rewards I have worked so hard for. Even the unexpected ones-like a little peace and quiet!
You might find this odd, especially since we do not have children (besides the two very high maintenance fur babies). Still, the very nature of daily life and full days often makes it hard to get a few thoughts strung together, never mind the thoughts that help you set forth on a new and healthier path.
At first, this is the part that I thought would drive me mad about being alone. I was sure all of the alone time and the quiet would drive me to despair. Despite my profession, or maybe in spite of it, I am one of the loudest people you will ever meet. I am the opposite of dainty and elegant and am the goofiest princess you will ever meet. I am constantly in motion. Admittedly, I would like to have more grace and elegance, but I take the blessings the good Lord gave me and work with them!
The quiet time has been freeing. I don't second guess myself so much. I think about what I really want. Sometimes it is as simple as what I want for dinner. Sometimes it is the bug stuff like what I want in a relationship. I have realized that no matter what happens, this is a very special time.
I am taking a step back and giving myself permission to care for me first and foremost. I am talking to my mom almost every day and learning more about her life and discussing some of the things that have held me back in mine. We are going through the hard stuff and I am so happy to have this opportunity while she is still here. Having lost my dad at 12, I never take for granted that our time is limited or that I am lucky to have her-even when we fight and drive each other crazy. Every conversation helps me to understand my past and myself a little better and why I have made the decisions I have made in life. Again, I am blessed. Not everyone is given this chance and even fewer take it.
Surprisingly, I have not had a major meltdown of loneliness yet. My family and friends have done a great of keeping me busy. My fur babies are great companions. The husband and I are in regular contact. Some days that is good, other days I relish the solo life that much more. Overall, I have done really well for myself! I am enjoying the life I have built and that is enough for right now. In fact, it is about time I let myself reap some of the rewards I have worked so hard for. Even the unexpected ones-like a little peace and quiet!
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