Getting Back on Track

I have not been in a great place these last few weeks.  Snapping 3 muscles in my calf this week (surprisingly, muscles actually snap like an elastic when tearing) was actually a blessing in disguise because it gave me some time to rest and realize how far off track I am from the wonderful place I started this year.

Torn muscles aside, the last few weeks have been very trying for me.  Someone very close to me is going through a very bad time and needs me.  When you are in the midst of someone else's nightmare, it is so easy to lose yourself.  It is nearly impossible to make time for yourself, find the joy in the little things, and feel free to indulge in activities that will make you truly happy.  

I realized this week that I need to fight for this time more and push myself harder to stay on track because I am not going to be a good listener or example if I get caught up in my loved one's nightmare.  I need to be the person they can lean on, not the person they take down with them.  As much as it feels selfish to still pursue this venture, it is the best thing I can be doing right now.

Work has also gotten me down lately.  Normal politics are running rampant and this is causing me to feel disheartened which is especially bad at this point because my writing and consulting ventures have been going so well.  But truthfully, my heart feels tired and less excited by these ventures because of the drama at work.  It is wearing out my professional zest, and if nothing else, professional zest is what I have defined myself by.

See a trend here?  I am letting outside situations overshadow my efforts and I end up feeling worse in the end for it.  This is not okay. 

So, starting now, I am getting back on track.  This week I have felt called to listen to Playing Big again.  I may just do it once I finish the book I am listening to now.  I have never reread a book so quickly before.  In fact, rereading books is not at all common for me.  But since that feels like the right thing to do, I am going with it.  If nothing else, I am supposed to be listening to what my soul wants this year and that is what it wants.  For now, maybe some zentangles or some computer time, or just a glass of wine and a book.  As long as it feels relaxing and slows down my mind-I'm in!

What are you doing to find some joy this weekend?