You Win Some and You Lose Some on the Path to Enlightenment

So, I have been quiet about my quest for finding myself for a couple of weeks now.  I am happy to report that I have not fallen off the wagon.  My new year's resolution is still going strong.  However, my most recent exercise in self-exploration is not.

Ilene Segalove's 40 Day's and 40 Night: Taking Time Out for Self-Discovery: A Guided Journal has been on my bookshelf for YEARS.  I have never quite found the inspiration to delve into it, but I also could never part with it.  I loved the idea of taking a period of time for self-reflection and according to Segalove, "Forty has been known throughout history as a mystical number".  Forty is represented continuously throughout all of the major religions, Renaissance culture, numerology, and even the body.  Cells regenerate in the bloodstream every 40 days. 

Obviously, the idea of a set period of time for reflection and introspection spoke to me.  However, after making it a quarter of the way through the 40 days, I realized that this particular method was taking me further away from my goal.  I felt detached from the passion and curiosity that led me towards the path in the first place.  While I didn't find any part of the process difficult or uncomfortable, I was not engaged.  And there lay the problem.

I do not like to quit anything.  Nor do I like losing. This felt like both when I first thought about abandoning the process about 5 days in.  After getting a quarter of the way through the journal, I realized that the activities and writings were actually the loss.  I was not discovering anything that felt important and I was losing passion for the overall project.

So, apparently, you win some and lose some on the path to enlightenment!   I am disappointed because I waited for so long to work my way through the activities in this guided journal.  And at another time in my life it may be the perfect thing at the perfect time.  But, for now, I am moving on to something new.  Back to regular writing and journaling, reading (fiction and nonfiction) and trying new things.  We are only halfway through February and there is plenty of year left to find new wins and losses along the way.  I can't wait to experience them and share them with you!

Love Always,
Mis

P.S.  Any losses along your journey that you would like to share?  I have found that sometimes the losses teach us far more than the wins...